I have always wanted to be belong to a community – the workplace, a club, or an organization – and have a part in the leadership. Being a member of a community is easy but to belong enough to hold a leadership position is an entirely different kind of commitment; it involves growing roots.

When I was younger, I was part of a couple youth groups and held different leadership positions within them. Being a part of these groups was slightly expected in my family as was also holding some type of leadership position. Despite these expectations, I admit I enjoyed being a part of these service groups.

However, as I became an adult attempting to be a part of a community and working towards a formal leadership position; it never turned out as I had hoped it would. There always seemed to be an obstacle in the way like internal politics or even self-defeating behavior on my part. Every time I tried to grow roots, they didn’t seem to stay planted. I admit, I was beginning to feel like a failure.

When I began to realize that maybe having a formal leadership position isn’t exactly my purpose in this world, the feeling of failure began to subside. If holding a formal leadership position is no longer my purpose, then what is? Quite a big question to answer and I did not have one at the time. The only thing I could think of is to get to work by reviving this website. Also, I attempted to become more involved with my spiritual community’s reorganization by joining a committee.

The spiritual community that I belong to is growing. With this growth, we are by nature forced to reorganize how we function. Two months ago, we had an all-day meeting to consider how to reorganize and to begin the process. A substantial number of the active membership attended. In the morning we discussed how we could reorganize and then in the afternoon we broke off into the committees we each felt we could contribute.

The committee I chose deals with the extra-curricular education of the congregation – bringing in guest speakers, organizing seminars, sponsoring book clubs, etc. As with everyone who came to the all-day meeting, those that chose to be a part of this committee are made up of wonderful individuals. We took advantage of the time we had that afternoon by brainstorming all the ideas we could think up. Everyone was encouraged to voice what they believed the committee should be and do. The energy I felt that day was that the needs of the spiritual community was more important than any one person. I could not have asked for a more productive day.

If the day was so productive, why did I feel that it was a waste of time for me? Why did this feeling of not belonging persist? I have never felt more comfortable with any group then I do with these people yet I continue to place myself at arm’s length. This community does not give me cause to feel this way. Is it me being afraid of committing to any one thing or person? Or is there something deeper that is telling me there is a different way for me?

One day it came me like being hit by a truck. I never felt more alone but at the very same time I never felt so free. I truly believe that I am not meant to grow roots, at least not big enough that I would be a part of any particular community for very long. I feel I am more of a planter of seeds. I am a person that spreads ideas to others and let them decide whether to let those ideas grow roots. I feel a calling of moving about like a spiritual nomad to meet other people to share ideas with one another and with proper guidance begin to put those ideas into action.

My spiritual community that I have spoken about will be more of a spiritual home base that I can step off of and come back as necessary. I now know through my heart I will travel among a many variety of people, cultures, and spiritual backgrounds. Hopefully I can physically travel to different parts of the world but in the meantime I will open my heart to others to let them know that I am a spiritual adventurer.